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HomeCelebrityJimmy Kimmel’s 2024 Oscars Monologue Opens with Quips and a Salute to...

Jimmy Kimmel’s 2024 Oscars Monologue Opens with Quips and a Salute to Movie Crews


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Consequently, actors not have to fret about getting changed by A.I.,” he stated. “Because of this historic settlement, actors at the moment are ready to return to worrying about being changed by youthful, extra enticing folks.”

Kimmel additionally cracked jokes in regards to the “Anatomy of a Fall” canine Messi, the prolonged run time of “Killers of the Flower Moon” and the perceived snub of Greta Gerwig, who was not nominated for finest director.

“I do know you’re clapping however you’re those who didn’t vote for her,” he advised the viewers.

Thanks for that partial standing ovation and welcome to the 96th Oscars, everyone. Have a look at these lovely human actors. What honor it’s to be right here. Thanks for having me again. And congratulations to every one in every of you for making it to the Academy Awards and for making it on time.

The present, as you recognize, is beginning an hour early this yr. However don’t fear it’s going to nonetheless finish very, very late. The truth is, we’re already 5 minutes over. And I’m not joking. I’m not going to lie. It’s going to be a protracted night time after what was a protracted yr. It was a tough yr, however it was additionally a fantastic yr for films. Even if every little thing stopped, the folks on this room by some means managed to provide you with so many wonderful movies and so many memorable performances.

This night time is stuffed with monumental expertise and untold potential, however so was “Madame Internet.” So who is aware of? Are we off to a bumpy begin? OK, this can be a significant event for many of you. I do know that. And I do know that successful an Oscar is one thing you dreamed about because you have been a child. And now right here we’re, all dressed up celebrating the very best of the very best, starting with the most important film of the yr, “Barbie.” “Barbie” was a monster hit. What a factor. What an achievement to take a plastic doll no person even favored anymore. I imply, my spouse — earlier than this film, you’d have had a greater probability of getting my spouse to purchase our daughter a pack of Marlboro Reds than a Barbie doll.

Now Barbie’s a feminist icon, due to Greta Gerwig, who many consider deserved to be nominated for finest director. I do know you’re clapping, however you’re those who didn’t vote for her, by the best way. Don’t act such as you had nothing to do with this. And I don’t need to omit Margot Robbie. Margot put this large hit collectively. Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling are right here tonight. Look children, it’s Barbie and Ken sitting simply close to one another. Ryan and Margot, I need you to know that even when neither one in every of you wins an Oscar tonight, you each already gained one thing far more essential: the genetic lottery. Ryan, you’re so sizzling. Let’s go tenting collectively and never inform our wives.

After which we’ve got the opposite main field workplace winner this yr, “Oppenheimer,” directed by the good Christopher Nolan. Additionally a really enticing man. And this can be a very fascinating particular person. Christopher Nolan doesn’t have a smartphone, doesn’t use his electronic mail and he writes on a pc with no web connection, which is a approach of, a robust approach of claiming “I can’t permit my porn habit to get in the best way of my work.”

Christopher is joined by his longtime collaborator, Cillian Murphy, who’s simply fantastic. Cillian, attention-grabbing reality about his identify. It’s pronounced Cillian when he does drama. When he does comedy, it’s Foolish Anne. And congratulations to Foolish Anne’s co-star Robert Downey Jr. That is the very best level of Robert Downey Jr.’s lengthy and illustrious profession. Properly, one of many highest factors. However Robert has been — was that too on the nostril or was {that a} drug movement you made? However take a look at him, I imply take a look at this man. He’s so good-looking, so proficient. He’s gained each award there’s to win. Is that an acceptance speech in your pocket or do you simply have a really rectangular penis?

Not even 20 years in the past, issues weren’t going that nice for Robert. He performed the villain and, appropriate me if I’ve this improper, in a film the place Tim Allen turns right into a canine. And when you ever resolve to remake that movie, I’ve simply the man to play Tim Allen. That’s, the place is he? Messi. Though he’s a canine could have given the efficiency of the yr in “Anatomy of a Fall.” Messi has an overdose scene. For those who’ve seen it, you recognize it’s unbelievable. Truthfully, I haven’t seen a French actor eat vomit like that since Gérard Depardieu.

The second most nominated film of the yr is “Poor Issues,” directed by Yorgos Lanthimos. Not solely is Yorgos nominated for finest director, his editor, whose identify can also be Yorgos, Yorgos Mavropsaridis, is nominated too. Now we have two Yorgos’s in the home tonight. Will they each win? Yorgos is nearly as good as mine.

All proper, let’s get 20 seconds for room tone. Emma Stone is an Oscar nominee for a fifth time. Proper? Fifth time. Emma, you’re so unbelievably nice in “Poor Issues.” Emma performed an grownup lady with the mind of a kid, like the girl who gave the rebuttal to the State of the Union on Thursday, and also you have been simply superb.

There have been so many nice films that held audiences captive this yr. And I imply that actually — your films have been too lengthy this yr. The common size of the highest 10 films was 2 hours and 33 minutes. That’s up half-hour from three years in the past. Once I went to see “Killers of the Flower Moon,” I had my mail forwarded to the theater. “Killers of the Flower Moon” is so lengthy within the time it takes you to look at it, you may drive to Oklahoma and remedy the murders your self.

The multitalented Brad, Bradley Cooper is right here with us tonight with us. He’s received one other finest image nominee, “Maestro.” Bradley, introduced your mother to the present tonight. Hello, Mrs. Cooper. How are you? You’re doing good. Nice. Bradley brings his mom to each award present. She was his date final yr on the Oscars. She was not? OK, however the Tonys and the Soul Practice Awards. It’s very candy. However I assume the query is what number of occasions can one carry his mother as his date earlier than he’s truly courting his mother? Are you engaged on a film about Freud proper now and never telling us?

Right here’s some enjoyable Oscar trivia: 48 years in the past, Robert De Niro and Jodie Foster have been nominated for “Taxi Driver” and they’re each nominated once more tonight, 1976 was the yr and that’s fairly loopy. In 1976, Jodie Foster is younger sufficient to be Robert De Niro’s daughter. Now, she’s 20 years too outdated to be his girlfriend. I additionally need to congratulate Robert’s co-star Lily Gladstone, who’s the primary Native American ever to be nominated for finest actress and for “Killers of the Flower Moon.” And when you noticed, you recognize that she was riveting. And do you know that earlier than she received this film, Lily was able to stop appearing and take a job on the Division of Agriculture monitoring homicide hornets, proper? And now she’s nominated for an Oscar, which is so nice for her, but additionally makes me fear that nobody’s monitoring these homicide hornets.

Lily is in wonderful firm. Now we have many first time appearing nominees tonight, together with Emily Blunt, Jeffrey Wright, Sterling Ok. Brown, America Ferrera, Danielle Brooks, Colman Domingo, Da’Vine Pleasure Randolph and Sandra Hüller. For the primary time ever, three overseas language movies are up for finest image, and two of them star Sandra Hüller. Sandra, two films. Sandra performs a lady on trial for murdering her husband in “Anatomy of a Fall” and a Nazi housewife dwelling subsequent to Auschwitz in “The Zone of Curiosity.” And whereas these are very heavy topics for American moviegoers, in Sandra’s native Germany, they’re known as rom-coms.

For the primary time in additional than 20 years, we’re including a brand new class to the Oscars. Not tonight, don’t fear. Sooner or later, they are going to be including an Oscar for achievement in casting, which, yeah, you higher you higher applaud for that. And that’s nice information for actors as a result of no longer solely will you be capable to watch another person win an Oscar for a component you didn’t get, you’ll additionally be capable to watch the one that didn’t suppose you have been proper for it win one, too. What a yr, we’ve had. It was a tricky yr. Keep in mind that child from “The Fabelmans”? That is what he seems to be like now. Superb to have you ever right here, Steven. Steven, are you nominated tonight or are you right here as a result of you’ve season tickets?

Steven and his spouse, Kate Capshaw, donated some huge cash to assist actors and writers who have been out of labor over the summer season. We have been on strike for a very long time, 148 days. For 5 months, this group of writers, actors, administrators, the individuals who truly make the movies stated, “We won’t settle for a deal.” Properly, not the administrators. You guys folded instantly. However the remainder of us stated we won’t settle for the deal with out protections in opposition to synthetic intelligence. And consequently, actors not have to fret about getting changed by A.I. Because of this historic settlement, actors at the moment are ready to return to worrying about being changed by youthful, extra enticing folks. And I feel that’s nice. And writers, may A.I. have written “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts”? Sure, the reply is sure.

We realized rather a lot whereas we have been out on these picket strains. This strike raised existential questions on our trade, like if a film premieres on the Grove and there are not any actors there to put it on the market, does Mario Lopez make a sound?

And now that the strike is over, now that Fran Drescher has returned to her volunteer work studying loudly to the hearing-impaired, we could be happy with the truth that this lengthy and tough work stoppage taught us that this very unusual city of ours, as pretentious and superficial as it may be, at its coronary heart, is a union city. It’s not a bunch of closely Botoxed, Hailey Bieber-smoothie consuming, diabetes-prescription abusing, gluten-sensitive nepo infants with perpetually shivering Chihuahuas. This can be a coalition of robust, exhausting working, mentally robust American laborers, ladies and men who would 100%, for positive die if we even needed to contact the deal with of a shovel.

The explanation we have been in a position to make a deal is due to the individuals who rallied beside us. So earlier than we have fun ourselves, let’s have a really well-deserved spherical of applause for individuals who work behind the scenes: the Teamsters, the truck drivers, the lighting crews, sound guys, all of the individuals who refused to cross the picket strains. All of the individuals who refused to cross the picket strains. There they’re. For those who’re sporting Sketchers to the Oscars, take a bow. Come on, guys. Take a bow, you deserve it. Thanks for standing with us. And in addition, we would like you to know that in your upcoming negotiation, we are going to stand you, too. And in addition, I’m going to verify this present goes actually lengthy tonight, so that you get a ton of time beyond regulation. It’s golden time everyone, ought to we give out some Oscars?

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